


Green

by aloha_cowgirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels Becoming Humans, Colors, Ficlet, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-03-02
Packaged: 2019-11-07 22:12:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17968994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aloha_cowgirl/pseuds/aloha_cowgirl
Summary: When Castiel truly experiences human emotions for the first time, he doesn't know how to describe them, so he defines them with colors.





	Green

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FeaRauko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeaRauko/gifts).



> This is a birthday gift for the lovely Narraukoiel. <3

He expected to feel the loss of his grace like a phantom limb, to feel a hollow something where there now was nothing. He thought he’d be hyperaware of all the things he suddenly couldn’t do, of the parts of him that were just gone. He thought he would just feel… less. But he realized now that becoming a human wasn’t a loss at all. Becoming human was overwhelmingly _more_.

There were so many parts of human existence that he’d never experienced before, feelings that he didn’t understand. In the past, when his grace had been drained, he’d still ultimately been an angel at the end of the day, but this time…? No, this time he was human, through and through. His body felt heavy and ached all over. He could feel the chill of the air and the dampness of the early morning dew. But the part that dazed him was the sudden flood of emotions belatedly attaching themselves to his memories. There were so many, so different, he couldn’t pin them down. They flashed through his mind in bright, blinding colors.

He felt red, anger and betrayal when he thought of Naomi and the way she had used him. He felt blue sadness when he recalled the unnecessary deaths of Kevin and Charlie and so, so many others. But when he thought of returning to the bunker with Sam and Dean, he felt yellow and orange and a bright flash of green. There were colors in between that didn’t have names, but each evoked a different feeling that spread through his soul.

Indeed, he’d been given a soul in exchange for the sacrifices he’d made to save Heaven—a thank you from Chuck, no doubt. It wasn’t that he hadn’t felt things before, but human feelings were just… _more_. He’d been experiencing emotion in shades of black and white for millennia, but this? He had no idea that it would be like this.

When Cas woke up back on Earth, he had found himself in the middle of nowhere. He wasn’t sure how long it took, but he eventually found a road and managed to find a phone. Now he sat on a bench outside of a diner, waiting. When the Impala skidded to a stop in front of him and there was a fresh wave of emotion.

Happiness. Relief. Calm. _Green_.

A specific bright green—closer to gold than to blue, but somewhere between emerald and jade.

The car had barely stopped when Dean jumped out of the driver’s side, a mix of worry and relief somehow mingled across his face.

He felt a fullness in his chest, but also.. an ache. A rush of _something_. He wanted to run to the man, but also knew that he probably shouldn’t. Just looking at Dean was both confusing and settling, somehow, and he didn’t understand it. He didn’t understand any of it. The colors were blinding.

There was a pause and then Dean wrapped him in his arms. The fullness he’d felt before now felt like it was overflowing, and blinding white. What—what _is_ it? Why is it so _much_? It felt exciting, amazing and warm, _orange_ , _yellow, green!_ , and he melted into the embrace. It was overwhelming, and his eyes burned with emotion. Was he crying? He’d never cried before.

Dean stepped back, holding Castiel’s face in his hands, and Castiel’s eyes locked onto the green eyes staring back at him. _Green. So very green_. They stood that way for a moment as his brain jumped from thought to thought—memories, fantasies. He wasn’t sure where the fantasies came from, but there they were, and they were flashing by like a filmstrip. He tried to focus on the present, studying Dean’s face.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said, almost in a whisper, dropping his hands to rest on Castiel’s shoulders.

“Hello, Dean. It’s—it’s good to see you.”

Dean’s lips twitch into a slight smile

“Man, it’s good to have you back,” Dean said on an exhale. “You, uh—you’re lookin’ pretty rough there, buddy.”

“I—I’m human, Dean. It’s… confusing.”

Dean nodded, his smile growing. “Yeah. Yeah, it is.”

They sat in the diner an hour later, beaming at one another. There was an ease that Castiel associated with Dean. When he was near, he felt calm. He felt… home? Was _home_ a feeling? Whatever it was, it too was green, and it was Castiel’s favorite color. It was his favorite feeling.

When Dean reached across the table and covered Cas’s hand with his own, he was blinded with emotion again.

“I’m glad you’re back, Cas,” he said, his face a deep pink. “Really glad.”

Castiel’s face broke into a smile when he noticed it. _Green_. When he thought back through his memories, Dean was always the source of the green. Even when he couldn’t name the emotion, he knew it was green. Of course, he’d been the source of many moments of blues and purples, and often the yellows and oranges he associated with happiness and friendship, but the green, that bright and bold and pure green, was always connected to Dean. The feeling of home—the color of home—was the exact shade of Dean’s eyes.

He turned his hand, intertwining their fingers. Dean’s eyes softened and Castiel smiled. Everything was green.

***

Dean slid back into the booth with a mischievous grin. Castiel narrowed his eyes in suspicion. Before he could ask for an explanation, their waitress set a plate in front of him—a slice of pie with a single lit candle.

When Cas looked at Dean for an explanation, Dean shrugged. “It’s your first day as a human… Happy Birthday.”


End file.
